this is one area of self defence and combat activities where blurring seems inevitable..
obviously you dont want to take out innocent people by accident or overenthusiasm,
and obviously you want to train for self development, welcoming all such benefits
of serious training.. becoming confident and controlled is obviously 'good'..
being mindfull of character development in students and yourself
seems to be an element of virtually all serious combat training..
when training is oriented toward sports events, or when practicing
with friends etc, obviously you want it to be productive and friendly etc..
in training you dont need to actually choke him out or break something
which is why the tap exists in training and practice of serious waza..
however, despite every factor of character development and ethics etc,
as part of training, practice and contemplation of all these things,
when a real attack happens, you must give yourself over to
the reality itself, without any, thoughts whatsoever for
'fairness' or ethics and so on.. you must rely totally on
all of your preparations, training, practice and experience etc
in an act of response to, what could be your last moments..
that sounds dramatic, but how else can you put it..
once the egg is cracked open, the shell doesnt matter..
When you are in a fight, you can still have your rules and ethics, but you should remember that they will have none. And if on the occasion you are caught (attacked) unawares, unless you are prepared to up the ante and strike to injure an untrained opponent, you should prepare to get a beating. That is my experience of it anyways.